Harry Potter and the Tales of DOOM
by Fomgoms
Summary: This is just a random collection of stories friends and I have written over AIM. Be prepared for randomness, OOC, useless plots, ninjas, Lord of the Flies references, and...STUFF! Muahahah! Rating bc of a swear word in second chapter.
1. HP and the Lightning Crash of DOOM

Me: LET'S WRITE A HARRY POTTER FANFICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111ONE  
Zoot: ok

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Once upon a time, in a glalaxy far far away... there lived an evil ruthless race of beings known as Spaceballs. The Spaceball guys were pretty gosh darn evil dudes. They stunk of rotten cheese and other unpleasant things that shall not be mentioned here, since this is a G rated novel.

But none were more evil than...

dun dun duuuuuun...  
  
Harry Potter.

lightning crash

The End 

A/N: Hehe, this is the one that started it all. It's REALLY short, sorry about that This is simply a collection of short stories. Really short in this case. The rest will be longer! And probably stupider. But hey!! Review!!!


	2. HP and the Revelation of DOOM

Harry Potter and the Revelation of DOOM

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One merry day, while skipping joyfully on the lands of Hogwarts with Ron and Hermione, Harry had a revelation!!

"Hermione!!! Ron!!!" he said excitedly, "I just had a REVELATION!!!!"

"Goodness, Harry!!" said Hermione.

"What is it?" asked Ron eagerly.

"Well..." began Harry, "what if Voldemort-" Hermione and Ron flinched at the name, "-was not really there? I have a theory: I think that Vol-"

"Potter what are you rambling about now?" interrupted Malfoy.

Ron turned angrily to Malfoy. "You shut up, Malfoy!!!!"

"Yeah." agreed Hermione

"Filthy Mudblood." said Malfoy.

And then Ron said "Eat bubotuber pus, Malfoy!!!!"

And he was about to curse Malfoy but then VOOSH!!!

A NINJA appeared and proceeded to beat the crap out of Malfoy.

"Ow..." said Malfoy, limping away.

"HA!!" laughed Harry.

"Now, what were you saying, Harry?" prompted Hermione.

"Oh, right..." said Harry apologetically.

"I think Voldemort is the equivalent of the tooth fairy!!!!!!!!!"

"Bloody hell, Harry" said Ron.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Hermione.

"What I mean is Voldemort is an allegory for our worst experience and our deepest fear. We can overcome him but we have to stay civilized."

"Fire is civilized," chimed in Ron.

"So we go and burn Voldemort up?" asked Hermione skeptically.

Ron flinched at the name.

"Well um...yeah..." he said sheepishly, "and DON'T say his name!!"

"No!" exclaimed Harry. "Voldemort is our fears: he is the beast within us. We can't burn him. You guys think that this is a Man vs. Man conflict."

"It is, Harry!!" Ron and Hermione claimed together.

"No, this isn't!! It's Man Vs. Self"

"Harry? Do you mean to tell me the society dictates the individual's actions?" asked Hermione.

It was silent for a moment while Harry looked at the ground, his face shadowed by his messy hair.

He looked up.

"JUST KIDDING GUYS!!!!!!!" He said gaily!!!!!!

And he continued to frolic merrily over the endless Hogwarts plains.

The End

A/N: W00T! Second story!! It's longer, thankfully Note the NINJA in the story. He's awesome. And I'm very pleased with the ending on this one. The whole thing almost got too deep!! Woe is me! Oh, and REVIEW!!!!


	3. HP and the Snitch of DOOM

Harry Potter and the Snitch of DOOM

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"HOLY CRAP!!" Shouted Harry as a bludger whizzed by. "A bludger just whizzed by!!"

From the stands Hermione watched Harry fly in his Man Vs. Self conflict flight to catch the snitch.

"The snitch is an allegory for our desires," she told Ron and Hagrid excitedly.

"Really?" Asked Hagrid distractedly.

He wasn't really listening to Hermione.

I mean, who could with a MAD AWESOME QUIDDITCH GAME going on RIGHT in front of them??

Harry swerved around the goal posts, missing them narrowly. An appreciative "Ooooh" came from the crowd. Wondering if he could get a similar reaction by almost colliding with someone, Harry aimed for Oliver Wood.

"Bloody hell, Harry, what are you doing?!?!" Screamed wood as Harry advanced.

Harry grinned to himself, and dived just before impact.

But wood had dived down too!

SHMOOCKKKK!!!

They collided!

"The collision shows us the savageness of Harry" Exclaimed Ron excitedly!!

"..." said Hermione.

Hagrid, representing the stupid people of the world, asked, "How can you get this from a Quidditch game?"

"It's so obvious, Hagrid," answered Ron.

He was just starting to explain when suddenly Harry flew into him.

"Harry!" Ron said. "What'd you do that for?"

"Because there is nobody that can stop me: I'm testing the boundaries of society foreshadowing death and complete savageness."

"I got the conch," chimed Hagrid

"No one cares, Hagrid!" shouted Ron and Hermione at the same time.

Harry flew off again to seek the snitch

"Hmph," said Hagrid getting grumpy.

Suddenly, Harry caught the snitch and he prepared to do a victory lap around the fi--VOOSH!!!

A NINJA suddenly appeared!!

He stole the snitch from Harry, and VOOSHed away, cackling!!!

"NO!" exclaimed Harry, distraught.

"Hm... well, since you obviously don't have the snitch anymore, I think we won the game!!!" Said Malfoy landing his broom next to Harry's.

"That's right!!" Said Snape gleefully.

"Die, Snape!!" Said Harry, pulling out his wand.

"No," Said Snape, whipping out his own and cursing Harry into a zillion billion pieces.

Now, this ninja wasn't just a ninja...

He was Zoot!!

Above all ninjas!!

But since Zoot was a good ninja, he told Malfoy that they hadn't won.

"Ha, Malfoy," said Harry. "You lose."

"No," said Zoot. "You have to fight me for the snitch."

"OK," Said Harry and Malfoy together.

"Potter, I don't wanna do this but Zoot is an awesome powerful ninja." Said Malfoy. "I can't beat him alone. Let's team up."

"Fine," said Harry.

POW!! BAM!! Went Harry and Malfoy across the pitch.

And they died.

THE END

A/N: Yes, Harry did blow into a zillion billion pieces and then said something 5 lines later. Well you know what? While we were describing Zoot, Ron and Hermione came down and taped Harry back together with Spell-o-Tape!! Ha! Review! :)


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